Wicked Fragments

I find it's so rare that life and people don't horribly suck, that when the horrible suckage is absent I need to take a moment to comment on it. 

Yes, I know, horrible perspective on life.  Whatever.  How many people with such a perspective do you know that will go out of their way to comment when things are great?

Anyway...

I titled this "The Consumer Wins", but in truth it should be titled "Fairness Wins", and arguably "Everyone Wins".  This is not a one-sided situation.

I had recently purchased a part from an on-line vendor known as ZipZoomFly.com.  They seemed to have decent prices and I figured I'd give them a whirl and perhaps give NewEgg a bit of a break.

Anyway, the order went fine and the part showed up.  I was kind of surprised (alarmed) to see that it showed up in a standard tyvek FedEx envelope with absolutely no protecting materials whatsoever.  No bubblewrap, nothing.  Just parts in paper.

This was a sensitive piece of computer equipment... not a piece of paper.

Anyway, I plugged the equipment (RAM) into my computer, and suprise of surprises... it started to crash.  I ran a memory diagnostic test on the part, and big surprise, it was faulty.  First chip was actually fine, but the second one was really messed up bad.

Well, ok, I'll have to give them a call, explain their mistake and ask for a replacement.  Here is where it gets interesting.

» Read More

Item #3 on my list of 10 stupidest ideas for New England home owners... pools.

Let's see.  I live in a state where the average temperature over the course of the year is about 48 degrees (seriously), and where we probably have about two and a half months where the temperature is steadily or semi-consistently above 75.

Hey, I know!  Let's install a pool!  Brilliant!

Plus, it's a good idea to factor in the general wildlife population reduction.  Need to keep those woodland animals at bay.  My pool, alone, claims the life of no less than three to four of the furry little bastards per week.  I figure if I start hanging the carcasses up above the water I can probably score a coyote or two as well.  My wife and I have been discussing moving some of the plants that are evidently more popular amongst the deer towards the center of the pool... a little creative camoflage and we'll be eatin' venison all winter!

Also an excellent benefit is leaf and brush collection.  After all, what better way to ensure that your leaves don't annoy the neighbors than to water log them and sink them to the bottom of a gigantic chlorinated concrete-lined puddle.

Now something you may want to consider with your New England pool is a light.  Underwater lights look really excellent and make it easier for you to enjoy your pool as a nocturnal pastime.  This is especially great when the kids nip off to bed and you and the wife want to spend some quality time being eaten by mosquitoes and dive-bombed by bats (who are trying to eat the mosquitoes that are trying to eat you).

So, be smart, be eco-friendly, be romantic.  Install a pool in your colder-than-a-witches-tit neighborhood... today!

Maybe it's just me, but when I'm walking across a parking lot (or any other area where cars are about), and a person in a car lets me go, I hussle.  Even if I have the kids and an arm full of groceries, I make a point to move relatively quickly.  After all, this person was kind enough to take pause to let me go, I should be considerate enough to not make them pause for an hour.

Well, evidently it is just me, as by and large I see people just a'-strollin' across the parking lot as if they hadn't a care in the world, no place to go and nothing to do.  Heck, sometimes these people don't even bother to wait for me to let them go-they just walk right out in front of me as if it was their god-given right to do so and I should be ingratiated by the opportunity to watch their fat butt ooze its way across the promenade.

What I've been thinking is that maybe we should wing a couple of these people.  You know, don't exactly kill them or seriously maim them or anything, but maybe wait until they're just beyond bumper range and wack them in the ass with the side-view mirror as you go by.

Yeah, I know, it's an annoyed rant, but come on people... can we have a shred of courtesy in the world?  Do I really have to resort to being just as much of an asshole as everyone else just to make sure my kids can get ahead in the world?  That seems really bleak.

Please, people... make an effort, ok?

So I get this call today from some woman from ADP.  She leaves a voicemail on my work extension saying that there is a serious issue with our payroll taxes or some such and that I need to call her back.

Now, I'm an IT manager... it's pretty clear from the way this woman is talking that she is looking for someone from payroll or accounting or something... not the guy that keeps the servers running, right?  Right.

Whatever, I forward it on to HR and go on with my life.

Later on I get another call from this woman- urgent now, saying she needs to talk to me right away and demanding an immediate callback.  I figure, "Ok, clearly still confused, but I owe it to my company to follow up and at least tell this woman that she's lost."

So I call her up and speak with her a bit, we sort out that she has the wrong person and that I'm not going to be able to help her.  So she asks for the person responsible.  I'm like "Honestly, lady, I have no idea.  I'm brand new.  I wouldn't even know where to point you."  So she says that she's looking for someone named "Mary Blaine".

I'm like "out of the two times you called and left me a voicemail, did it never occur to you that Mary Blaine probably wasn't a man, and certainly wasn't the man who's voicemail clearly indicated that his name was John Smith?" (John Smith is not my name, but neither is Mary Blaine.)

I've always found this behavior maddening.  I get it at home too.  Our answering machine at home clearly says in my wife's voice 'Hi you have reached the Smith residence, John and Marsha are not presently here right now.  Please leave a message!"  Invariably I get some message like "HEY CAROL!  How are you?  Good to see you yesterday!  Give me a call back asap though because I got a serious disease that will kill your whole family if you don't get innoculated in 2 hours!"

Invariably this retard also leaves no call-back number, which would enable me to call them back and communicate their seemingly obvious error to them.

Oh well.  I guess their friend died.  I wonder if natural selection applies to people who choose morons for friends, as opposed to being a moron themself.

Years ago I had a VW Golf.  1990 Wolfsburg edition.  Apparently Wolfsburg is German for "can't drive through a puddle without the fan belt screaming and the alternator light coming on".  That was a really cool feature.

The car was pretty much a total piece of shit from day 1.  In the first two years of its life, it had no less than 4 $1200 services... and yeah, this is a new car we're talking about.  Not to mention the chronic puddle/scream thing, lots of STUPID design choices, creaks, rattles, various parts falling off all the time, etc.  Those things didn't fall under the really astounding 24 month/12,000 mile service.  <cough>

Oh and every dealership I went to was populated exclusively by assholes. 

A buddy of mine at the same time had purchased a Honda CRX.  He spent a lot of time laughing at me and my various car expenses since inexplicably his car had absolutely zero issues, ever.

I sold my VW before it broke out of warranty... like that mattered... and bought a 1994 Acura Integra.  Since then I've owned nothing by Hondas and Acuras and rarely have I ever had an issue, and never has been the time when any odd thing wasn't swiftly dealt with by the dealer with no cost to me.  Hell, I've had a total break job and an engine replaced OUTSIDE OF WARRANTY on two different Honda/Acura cars.

Ok, so why the rant on Volkswagens?

Yeah, well, yeah...

VW came out with a Volkswagen R32.  For those of you not in the know, this is a Golf with a big engine (240HP, 6 cyl), all wheel drive, 6 spd manual, lowered, 18" alloys, etc.  The thing is a monster, and even looks pretty cool.  I swalowed hard against the bile rising in my throat at the thought of owning a Volkswagen again, and bought one.

Yeah...  yeah...

So it's a fun car, and I love it.  No doubt.  It's definitely better than my old Golf, but it is victim to all the familiar squeaks and rattles I became accustomed to.  Less so in warmer months, but they're still there.  

It is, however, an absolute service whore.  I mean Hondas and Acuras have the regular service of 5000, 7500, 15000, 30000, 50000 and thats kinda it.  I think yer supposed to check in every 25,000 miles or so before it rusts out from under you, but that's kinda it.  The services are usually $100-300 with the occasional big one like the timing chain.   No biggie.  Especially since Hondas do not otherwise break... ever.  So that's pretty much your service bill in it's entirety until the car gets pretty old.

Volkswagens? Ohhhh no, we'll have none of that!

Volkswagens are all setup to come in for service EVERY 5000 miles!  The services are pretty pricey... they 40.000 mile one is over $450, for example... AND they still break all the time.  My most recent entertainment is the engine sputtering at me when I first start it up and having the engine light go on.  The service guy is like "oh well, you didnt bring it in for it's 5000 mile whoring, what do you expect?"  

I'm like "dude, my wife has gone 30k miles without even doing an oil change in her Honda and the thing acted like it was brandy-ass new."  Hes like "well, sir, this is a Volkswagen!"

I'm like "Oh!  I'm sorry, I thought it was a QUALITY piece of engineering... but now you are telling me that it is, in fact, a Volkswagen!  So noted!  Thanks for clearing that up!"

The scary thing is when you ride with people on the little service shuttle to work.  They all talk about their VW issues... and its amazing.  One guy who bought the really expensive Tourareg (8 cyl), was like "it's great... once I worked through the bugs for the first 12K miles its been pretty solid... now at 22K miles we have a few more issues, but we're working on them."

Everyone who owns a VW talks like this.  It's like an expected part of the culture.  I'm like "Hello, people?  This isn't a 1953 MGB project car that you roll out in the summer to take drives with your honey to the local lake for a picnic, it's a goddamned modern-day automobile... it should be nearly FLAWLESS for a good 30K miles or more."  Volkswagen people are fricken whacko.  It shouldn't be "Drivers Wanted"... it should be "Retards who accept mediocrity and consider that a bonding part of community... wanted."

bah.