Wicked Fragments

I find this whole "how dare you check me out!" thing that women do to be wildly hypocritical.  If you really don't expect men to look at you, then why in the name of all things logical are you dressing like that?

Let's be reasonable here.  Men and women were put on this earth to make more men and women.  It's built into our DNA as a survival of the species thing.  If you're going to take your assets and put them on display, we men are going to look.  Telling us to do otherwise is not only hopeless and futile, but it's also really rather stupid.  If you don't want us to eat the donuts, then please don't wave big heaping plates of them in our face.

Here's an example.  There has been this recent trend of putting words on the ass of women's shorts and sweatpants.  Here's a tip... words are for reading... if you print something on your ass, I'm going to stare at your ass and read it.  Now those of you wearing these things... do you really think for even a moment that men (and women, for that matter) are not going to read your ass?  You do realize that reading your ass requires our actually looking at your ass, right?  I assume that had to be clear to you when you purchased the item.  Right?

» Read More

Another quick thought that rattles around in my head on occasion... have you ever considered that Intelligence is more likely to be naturally selected out than stupidity?

Think about it for a moment from the most simple perspective: having kids.

If you think about kids unemotionally, you quickly realize that kids are not always the smartest thing to do.  They're expensive, they take up an inordinant amount of your free time, they cause you lots of undue stress, they sap your energy that you would focus on work, your spouse, hobbies, etc.  What do they give back?  Again, speaking without emotion here, right?  The only thing they give back is the procreation and survival of your genes.

Yet, most of us eventually wind up having kids.  In fact we are so driven to the primary source of having children that it all but permeates our society.  What is this that I speak of?  Well, sex, duh.  We all want sex.  Want it bad.  Gotta have it.  To the point that beer companies flash boobies at us to sell us more beer (as if drinking more beer will get us more boobies... not), but it doesn't matter... we're so driven that somewhere deep down inside our brains something connects that Budweiser to an evening of the horizontal mambo and we're there, babay!  Pass me another beer!  Hey, weren't there supposed to actually be some chicks here on ladies night?  And no, Geoff doesn't count as a chick.  Yes I suppose he is kinda cute under a certain light.  <cough>  Aaaaaaaaaaanyway...

» Read More

So global warming has suddenly become the new fad.  I'm not entirely sure why it clicked, but I believe there was recently some report that came out that had some disparaging things to say, combined with people watching The Day After or whatever the hell that movie was, and then for whatever reason the media is reporting more on bad storms.  Poof!  Instant doom terror!

Well, whatever the reason, fine... global warming.  Sounds bad, I suppose, right?  Ice caps melting and all that?  Turn my inland home into waterfront property and all that.  Bad, right?

Well, wait a minute... is it?  I guess the people in Boston and LA will be fairly screwed, but if I suddenly get waterfront property, that's not all bad is it?  Hmm... interesting.  'course now there is this element of new deserts possibly forming... well, that seems kind of bad, but then there's also reports of growing seasons expanding and new produces being available in new areas because of the increase in temp.  Hmm...

But anyway, let's just kind of accept for purposes of this rambling point that these things are, in summary, bad.  Let's move on from there.

So, what then?

» Read More

 mean really tough.

Certainly, all kids are different and some people have it easy, but to some degree it's not even just the kid, it's the fact that you will be raising your kid(s) with another person who may (will) have some different viewpoints on things than you.  Even if you are relatively well aligned, the natural emotions that come out of dealing with your offspring combined with other potential stresses, unexpected behaviors in the kid, and reduced amounts of sleep and free time all combine in this horrid foul-smelling sticky mire that just soaks your entire life and complicates everything.

Oh yes, sure, they're cute and wonderful and all that.  Fine.  They are not, however "Bundles of joy" or "God's gift to parents" or any of that other sappy crap you always hear about.  They are growing, thriving, independent thinking, stuboorn, selflish little monsters that are doing everything they can to push every boundry they have to see how much they can grow and what they need to do to try to get around each and every limitation or roadblock you put in their way.  Even if that roadblock happens to be the one that keeps them from wandering into twelve lanes of 120 MPH traffic.

By and large, no one will tell you this.  I'm not certain why, but I think it boils down to either:

» Read More

Did you know that May 1 is Loyalty Day?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loyalty_Day

In summary, the general idea here is we should be loyal to the USA.

What is loyalty anyway?  To me, loyalty had always meant a feeling of allegience and devotion that would generally transcend and/or ignore various levels of transgression on the part of the one we are loyal to.  If I'm loyal to you and you tick me off, I'll probably still stand by your side and defend you to the masses, right?

However, doesn't that seem a little weird?  I mean it's basically saying we should be loyal to what the USA is, despite anything that we may feel about it.  I mean that seems fine in principle, I suppose, but what if the USA starts doing really bad things to its populace?  I'm sure the ruling powers that be wouldn't pick a time at which they would say "Ok, you don't have to be loyal anymore."

And if we, as a populace, thought loyalty was a generally good idea, then why did we revolt against the ruling English crown two hundred and some-odd years ago?  Wouldn't loyalty have been considered an admirable quality by King George III?  My rash assumption would be "yes".

And yet, here we go, us crazy disloyal upstarts... ripping up the country by its roots and toppling it over on top of the bewildered benevolent monarch, as if to say "screw you, we're taking our ball and we're going home!"

So I guess my question is, if disloyalty was ok then, how is not ok now?  Mind you, I'm not suggesting that anything is bad enough that we need to incite a revolution and start turning the the harbor into a big pot of brewed tea or anything, but shouldn't we be a little frustrated with current affairs and transcend our feelings of loyalty enough to at least strongly question them?

Or should we just stand up and rail against those who would criticize our country and just say "Look!  Shuddup!  This is the USA, and it's great the way it is!  Leave it alone or I'll pop you one in the eye!"

Well, I guess many people in this country would say that, and I guess I think that's horrible.

The interesting thing is that those people would call me un-American for thinking thusly, and yet I think more clearly that it is they who are so.

One of the more recent entries into the Making Useless People Feel Special Hall of Fame is the Playhouse Disney show "Higgly Town Heroes". (fricken Dan Quayle anyway...)

This show is based entirely on the presumption that everyone is a hero. Fricken everyone. From the gimp down the block who successfully managed to pick his nose that morning all the way up to the guy who tossed his fat ass on a dirty nuke to save the 400 screaming kids at the local orphanage from no longer needing a night-light. The trick is that 90% of the time, the story is about the gimp, not the actual hero.

Serious and honest examples of this show are things like: (these are straight from the episode guide here)

Twinkle Tooth: A plumber recovers Twinkle's tooth from the drain.
Flower Power: A gardener teaches the kids about plant care.
First Snow: Kip's grandma knits the kids new winter clothes.
All Tire'd Out: On the way to the beach, the car has a flat tire.
Smooth Opeator: An operator helps Grandpa find Aunt Susie's phone number.
Stinky Situation: A garbage collector helps the kids clean up.

I mean seriously people... what the fuck?  These are heroes?  The actions of a man recovering a tooth from a sink is to be deemed heroic?  Holy shit balls with ice cream.

» Read More